a significant bullet

It wasn’t significant in the least...

I really don't know what happened. I've never been much of a sports fan. I never watched football (unless to hang out with my dad), baseball, basketball, or any of the sportsballs where they hit things and go “oof!”

But the Avalanche made it to the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs. For the first time in 20 years. 20 years! I was in grad school then, smoking tons of cigarettes and acting like I knew everything in the world. I remember when the Avalanche won the Stanley Cup and people in my small college town rioted (though not as bad as when the Broncos took the Super Bowl). I remember being extremely disgusted and annoyed with the rabble who cared more about sports than their town.

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So, I sat down at my computer to just complete one task, and now I'm busy combing through iCloud Drive, moving images and videos to iCloud Photos, and documents to my OneDrive account (I use OneDrive as my main cloud storage service; it just integrates really well with Windows), and deleting duplicates.

And there are a lot of duplicates. I don't know what happened, but the scanner app I use on my phone somehow created 12+ copies of one document I scanned. And this happened to almost all of my scanned documents, which are many.

I spent a good 30 minutes dusting and cleaning out those duplicates.

Perhaps after I'm done with iCloud Drive, I'll move on to OneDrive. I cleaned it a year or so ago, so I don't expect much in the way of digital clutter, but who knows ¯_(ツ)_/¯.

I am not touching Dropbox until I'm properly under the influence of some chemicals or drink (and I don't drink). Since its inception, I've had Dropbox, and it's FULL of years and years and years of just digital crap. I had more until Dropbox instituted storage size limits. That made me quit the service in the first place (all except for my Scriviner projects, which only sync with Dropbox) and now EVERYONE has storage limits.

Maybe I'll switch over to iCloud permanently. But I don't have a Mac and the Windows integration sucks.

Sigh, back to sweeping.

...more later

*** Discuss...

Woman with her horse on a snowy day in 1899. Photo by Félix Thiollier

I love photographs from the 19th century. The sepia tint, the wild experimentation with a new technology, the unsettling feel of the photos. Even the creepiness is great.

BBC article on photos of the dead

It’s baffling that we went from huge cameras that required a long exposure time to having a camera in our pocket.

I actually wanted to be a professional photographer in high school. I even looked at several colleges that had a photography program. I was talked out of it though.

Anyway, I think the first photo is great.

*** Discuss...

I’m debating making a link shortner. Kutt.it looks promising and I can either spin up my own version on a VPS or simply point my domain to the main page and use it that way.

I don’t know though. Link shortners are usually considered bad and for scammers, but I think it’d be a fun, short project. I already have a short domain to use.

Another thing, I don’t know if I’d ever use it. Twitter shortens links automatically. So does Facebook. Some Mastodon apps shorten them automatically as well. So I’m not sure if I want to pay for VPS just to have something sit.

What’s your opinion on link shortners? They’re usually maligned but I’d like to try out Kutt.

*** Discuss...

I write too much political crap. And it's bad political crap. Which made me decide that I'd rather take a new direction with this blog. Make it softer and more welcoming.

I'm going to leave the previous posts up as they took quite a deal to write. But I don't think I'm going to write in the same space as they exist anymore.

My academic training had me forcing an argument into everything—creating controversial topics simply for the sake of controversy. And it was what I was interested in, but mainly it was for controversy. Which seems a little fake, devious, manipulative.

So no more of that crap. I would like a balance between the breezy self-updates of TMO and the meaning created by a NYTimes article. But even the NYTimes has humor and light stuff.

So there. My blog was also down a day due to a payment issue. Worked it out and now everything is back.

*** Discuss...

I like to think of myself as a Near Future author like Margaret Atwood or William Gibson, but I just scribbles nonsense. Back in 2004, I wrote my thesis on the rise of Populism, Autocracy, and an emerging president who fancied himself a tinpot dictator in the coming 15 years.

Instead, we got Trump. A buffoon who aspires to all of those things but can only seem to remember 5 words. And then calls a dementia test an IQ test.

The Stanford-Binet developers disgustedly flicked cigarette ash in tepid coffee and became numb. Stupidity became the law of the land.

So, yeah, I might have got something right. Too bad it’s taking the destruction of all that’s good in the world to prove my thesis.

I got my Master’s in English and Cultural Studies. It’s come in handy this decade. I’ve published two books and my third should be out in October.

Asexual flag

I’m asexual. I was finally able to put a term on to what I’ve felt my entire life when I was 39 (I’m 43 now; still asexual). For most of my “sexual” life, I just didn’t care. I’m indifferent to sex. It doesn’t drive me.

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I've lived with you so long I don't know life without being afraid. Because of you, I've missed out on so many good things in life I want to experience.

I want to go to concerts and music festivals. You keep me at home, making me feel ashamed and isolated. My iTunes account is so full of movies I've randomly bought to try to forget the panic and what I'm missing.

You randomly appear out of nowhere and paralyze me. I'm somewhere safe, somewhere comfortable surrounded by people who love me. And you decide to force me into bed, trying to make you go away with the breathing exercises I've learned along the way and failing.

You got me addicted to benzos. You made my mental health professionals distrust me with medication.

There are so many people I could've met, so many friends I could've made. But you show up and make me a fool, cause me to make excuses and run home to be alone. And even then, you're my constant companion.

I am so afraid of the world. This comes from the panic attacks you've caused throughout my entire life that I've learned that the only way I can go out is to force myself. To make sure I have the proper medication with me at all times. And to always be aware of the escape routes in case things get bad.

You ruined my marriage with your friend depression. You scare my parents. You make the one friend I have constantly worry about me.

Anxiety, I don't know life without you. You are fully a part of me like my teeth or my hands. Always buzzing in the background, always reminding me that no matter what skills I learn, the amount of help I get, you will be there, ready to ruin my dreams.

*** Discuss...

Author’s Note: I wrote this piece three years ago during a dark period in my life. Propublica picked it up when I published it on my Wordpress blog, using my experience as evidence of neglect. I am reposting it here since I am shutting down my Wordpress blog and want to keep my experience published.

ACLU of Illinois Demands Removal of Children in DCFS Care From Troubled Chicago Hospital

More allegations of sexual abuse at Aurora Chicago Lakeshore Hospital, already under government scrutiny, have surfaced.

America is great if you're rich. Just look at Kanye West. Or the countless other celebrities that come out having a mental illness and become icons of bravery. You can have a mental illness and go to lush, private facilities dedicated to wellbeing and health.

Those of us with poor health insurance, who have to rely on underpaid, undertrained, uncaring health professionals are having the exact same treatment as our 19th-century peers.


Mental Health treatment in the West has improved somewhat from the 19th and early 20th centuries. Gone are Lobotomiesand Water Sheeting.

Yet, the mentally ill are continual scapegoats for larger societal problems. Every time there is a mass shooting, mental illness is to blame.

This is my experience trapped in a Chicago mental hospital for five days:

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So my subscription to Ulysses ran out. I currently don’t have the money to renew (yes, I’m a broke ass chump), so I decided to use 1Writer again.

1Writer

I still have to get used to it even though I used it constantly 3-4 years ago. The fact tha it’s on par with Ulysses but has no subscription cost is great for me.

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